My friend Alison aims to respond to everything with Loving Kindness.
Nice.
Buddhist I think.
Um, what is it exactly?
As part of a definition, she offered Miguel Ruiz‘ “Four Agreements”:
- Be Impeccable With Your Word.
- Don’t Take Anything Personally.
- Don’t Make Assumptions.
- Always Do Your Best.
It’s nice. Try it next time something or someone is difficult.
I have never liked the word “impeccable”. It sounds scratchy, like wool. Some people think wool is wonderful. I need a boundary layer.
Impeccable is scratchy because it’s too close to perfection, from which I also need a boundary layer.
I have been watching a messy brawl unfurl between friends. While watching I have heard a lot of excuses, deferred blame, plates sent with force sliding across the slick metal table, people throwing up their hands.
Sloppy.
With consequences.
“Communication” says my friend David –who has a PhD in it– “is irreversible.”
I am thinking about having to live with the consequences of sloppiness, with having done or said things that are not in keeping with one’s intentions and priorities.
That is a different thing than perfection/ism, which is about production.
Immaculate communication is not about producing something perfect, or generating anything. It’s about NOT saying things.
Not saying things driven by emotion … enthusiasms in the heat of the moment … promises you can’t keep … overreactions … anything destructive … breaking confidence … spreading gloom … insults large and small … bragging … teasing … Make your own list of things you don’t want to be remembered for, enter into the story of this relationship, or touch your tongue.
Because IF someone happens to take your words seriously, and your words are sloppy, you live with the consequences … of hurting someone, of breaking your promise, of casting a spell.
The Buddhists believe that with our thoughts we make the world. The positive thinkers believe that we at least make our own worlds.
Our words are for others; they make the fabric of our relationships.
Incantation.
Better not put anything in that you don’t want to live. Better not leave detritus laying around.
Immaculate.
My friend Andrea uses ‘Exquisite’. Also not perfect, just as beautiful as you can make it – as you understand beautiful.
That you can probably also live with.